My mom's tax guy retired. Now on Yelp trying to see if anyone is available to do them on April 15th. No one there is open yet so I guess it's time for a shower

Just got off the phone with my mom. She sounded worse to me but she says she feels better. She says David's wife came over today to try to get her to go to a Dr. Or to a pharmacy, I am not sure and neither is she because she can't hear her. In all, it's pretty concerning. I asked her why she doesn't want to go to the Dr and she said because she wants to avoid a problem, which translated means she's afraid they will put her in the hospital. She's primarily worried about her little dog. I suggested to her that if she is so sick that "they" might put her in the hospital she might die at home and asked her what she thought would happen to Toby then. She knows it would be nothing good. Toby HATES my nephew. I am pretty sure my nephew is none too fond of him and he sure as hell does not take care of my mother. Then she mentioned taxes. The other day she mentioned the word taxes and I told her she only had a couple of days to get them done. This was the other day. They are due by tomorrow. I told her the only way I can think they could be done on time is if she has her tax information together and I can call this errand place and have them ferry the information to her tax preparer. She is going to call me back tonight. She either needs to do that or to get an extension. I'm more concerned with her health than her taxes thoughShe said the IRS called and she thought it was for David's wife so she gave her the number. I told her the IRS does not call people and it's a scam. She's so vulnerable. Again, I offered to go down. She sounds like she might be on the verge of letting me.

I was finally able to pay the delivery service that took my mom food and medicine the other night. It was $40 for the stops and delivery, $15 for the medicine (they did get her Vick's Vaporub and some non drowsy cough medicine so apparently CVS is a ripoff) and I included a $10 tip. At least I know of someone who can deliver to her or run errands for her if that is needed. So that is one relief. I still feel I would prefer to be there.

At home I am happy. So strange, because my little business is so far not making very much, but I love doing it. I LOVE working at home by and for myself. Grooming the dogs is meditative and pleasant. So far, my customers are happy and I like the company of dogs. I am listening to audiobooks as I groom. It's wonderful! I feel sunniness coming back to my disposition.

I took myself out for breakfast at The Egg and I this morning and found they now have green juice made of kale. cucumber, a fiji apple and lemon. Tasty and I now have a quick juice source for breakfast or lunch.

I wanted to call my mom today. good and early. The last time we talked she started coughing on the phone and she had to hang up. She said she'd call back but she didn't. I asked her about that today. She says when she's on the phone she coughs. Then she said she feels like she might have pneumonia. At that point I asked if I should come down. Today. No she says, she is "not ready" I tried to get her to tell me what she thinks needs to be "ready" I asked her if she thought I would stay beyond what she wants me to, because originally I planned to stay as long as she needed me and until she was in a better place. I think that threatened her and I told her I could just come for awhile and leave when she asked. I asked if she had eaten today I don't think she had. At that point I knew I needed to make sure I could get things to her if I wasn't there. My nephew wasn't there and she says they are not speaking. I asked her what all she needed. I asked her what she would like to eat. For the meal, she said she'd like some Marie Callender's Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes, carrots and broccoli.OK. I asked if she's like salad or pie. No to either. I reminded her she could store those for tomorrow in case my nephew wasn't there again. No, she didn't want that. Ok. I was repeating to myself her way...her way... I asked what she was afraid of if I came down. She hesitated and told me I can be a bully. I have NEVER thought of myself as a bully. (Bruce was laughing in the background, he can see it he says, not a mean bully but strong willed and know it allish) She said my way might be better than her way. She didn't add, "but it's my life" I heard it anyway. I'm trying, but to me it seems like she is in Hell. She mentioned she'd like some Vick's Vaporub and some cough medicine. She is not a person to take medicine, but then, she might have pneumonia. If SHE is saying that, I'd bet she does!  I asked her what kind of cough medicine. She didn't know. I said I rarely use cough medicine either but when I do I like Nyquil because it knocks me out and I can sleep. She didn't want that. I said, ok a non drowsy formula. I told her I would call her back. I then attempted to find a drug store that would deliver. Nope So I figured I would try a delivery service. Only food under delivery services. So then I called a taxi service, they were not able to help! Finally Bruce suggested errand service and I finally found a place who would pick things up for my mom and take them to her and call me to charge it on my card. I told them I would pay at the places. But that proved to be only partly true. I could pay online with Marie Callender's but not with a drug store and they refused to take a payment over the phone. I finally thought I'd have to just send dinner and order cough medicine and Vick's online, not to be delivered today, but the delivery service person said they usually didn't, but under the circumstances, they'd pay for the medicine out of pocket and I could pay them back. By the time I had it all arranged I called my mom to make sure she didn't want anything else and to tell her what was going on. She said my nephew had come back and she could have him driver her. I said no, I need to find a way to get things to her reliably if she didn't want me there now, so I wanted to test this out. She agreed. I think she's pretty hungry because it took longer than I expected but I should be getting a call saying the things have been delivered any moment now. It's been an unexpectedly grueling day.  She says she understands that I am worried. OF COURSE I'm worried! I asked her to call tonight or tomorrow to tell me how the service was. Did you know that Vick's Vaporub is now almost $17 for a 6 oz jar??? !!! That blows my mind! I need to see if that's standard or if CVS is just a ripoff

In such an abbreviated interaction, in which she never spoke directly to him, Bruce's first wife still managed to hurt him. He found their divorce decree and I photographed it and sent her a copy. This was within a couple hours of her request. Bruce is an organized person. If you had asked me for 30+ year paperwork I would not have had it. She thanked ME, but never Bruce for the effort. Hopefully she will never contact him again. The things she said and did to Bruce during their relationship I find unspeakably vile. He says he was not all that, but at least he was honest. And I know him to be an honest person. Very tenderhearted too. Some of the things people who were very important in his life have said things to him absolutely floor me with how terrible they were. I wouldn't have even believed them except that I DO know him to be honest, and his girlfriend prior to me told me directly, on the phone, that she regarded her TEN YEARS with him to have been an utter waste of her time (she pursued him!) and that she would bet I would feel the same way within five years. I cannot even imagine saying something like that about even a FRIEND, much less a 10 year partner and Betty was far far worse.

I have no idea why this shook me up, but I will give that some thought. Bruce's first wife just messaged me. She just wanted to know if Bruce still has their divorce decree or remembers which state it was issued in. She lives overseas now. I told her if she'd like to give me a number where he could call her I'd be happy to give it to him. She thought he might not be up to an international call. I said he might not be up to talking to her but the international call wouldn't be the problem. I did not mean to seem catty- at all. And she doesn't seem to have taken it that I was. But she gave him a great amount of pain, and I really don't know if he'd be up to talking to her. Anyway, I will ask him as soon as I can. I hope it doesn't give him bad feelings.

Feeling drained, but it's temporary, from a dream that hurt so much. How can something so old hurt so much? It was very very vivid and when I first woke afterward it was still affecting me a lot but now it is subsiding. But... Ghosts.

Today is David's birthday. I miss him, while I simultaneously want to rake him over the coals for the effects of his parenting style. My mom is driving me crazy. The younger (mentally ill) nephew thinks he has a RIGHT to live in her house. She has a restraining order against him. It's not that I don't feel for his position, but he is violent and, mentally ill and my mom is frail and 80. She won't call the police because she thinks he could spend 6 years in prison for violating the restraining order. I think he should be in a mental hospital but those don't really exist anymore, go given the choice of him being at large and possibly injuring my mother I'd say 6 years in jail might be a better thing. Food and shelter, and she (and who knows who else) would be safer. The other nephew, who lives with her is not taking good care of her. My schedule was clear. I could have gone to CA and helped her in any way I am able to help. She knows she NEEDS help. But she is still resisting. I can't sit here without doing anything, so I've started advertising for my little business and my schedule is starting to fill up. She says she understands my position but "she has to do some things her way and in her time" before she wants me there. I spend a lot of energy debating between pushing the issue or honoring her stated wishes. She said she thinks her sister was lucky to be just taken from her home and moved close to my cousin. OK, that's a clue. My hair is literally turning gray!

But overall I am happier working from home. Very much so! Hope I can make a go of it but my mom is more important and I wish she'd say I could come BEFORE I develop a liveable clientele.