Talked to my mom. She sounded depressed. Corey, again, did nothing to help her. Tressa's father died this morning. I offered again to go down, she again, declined.

My mom is softening on the idea of me going down there. I told Bruce that last night and he thinks I should under the one and only mom law, but she seemed anxious and depressed and scared about it. One issue seemed to be that he thought my being physically absent would lead me to a decision that I don't need him. Actually I prize loyalty and Bruce has been loyal to me. He's supportive and kind and funny and while both of us wish we had more connection we do honestly love one another and I plan to keep this relationship. At least as long as that is also his wish! He's worried about money and I can understand that. I'd need to get a job if I went down there. He's worried about me quitting my current job and leaving my very small business. Understandable. But this is my one and only mother and she needs help. She is reluctant to have me go there which she knows would be hard on my life, probably hers too and this does not even factor in Corey. I have no idea what Corey would do, but it sounds like he is more of an impediment than a help and I honestly feel like he and his brother and mother are waiting like vultures for my mom to die. I think, if she were eating better and less stressed she may have some good time left. I really wish she would move up here, have that house renovated and sold and then she'd have money and peace to care for her for the rest of her life. But she is still firm in the idea that "she has to do what she can" I don't understand it, but I am not omniscient and if I don't do everything I can to try to help her I know I will regret it. She was coughing badly again when I spoke to her yesterday. She said it was because she got cold being downstairs trying to get a friend of Corey's to leave. She said she was down there till 4:15 am. Now, yes Corey is either 29 or 30 so technically an adult but he pays NOTHING to live there and she gives him money and pays for things for him. He helps her minimally. He's giving her a line now that if she fixes his teeth he will get a job and help her out. Yeah, right. So, I don't know what Corey would do if he was forced to leave but that would leave very little reason for him, Tressa or Brad to be there and if she had someone (me) she could rely on to take her where she needs to go and do what she needs to do she might have a little peace. I don't know what kind of work I could find there but it would probably be enough whatever it was and hopefully she'd agree to transitions somewhere out of that house eventually.

Today my mom got the money I sent her. Not enough to do much, but all I could spare. She said Tressa and her boyfriend came and got some stuff out of the garage. What did they get? Suitcases. Wow....impressive. NOT! She said Corey (grandson who lives with her, free and she gives him money) did not get her a Cobb salad yesterday. He brought her "a couple pieces of pizza" She doesn't like pizza and that is not a very nutritious meal. Again, I offered to go down....

Today I sent Miles' guitar to Mary, one of the three girls I love as close as I can to my own children, which I never had. I had listened to see if any of them mentioned any interest in playing guitar. I had hoped most that Ilona would, because, biology. But Mary is starting to learn. I hope she learns to play and loves that guitar

I talked to my mom today. She sounded better. She said she spoke with Tressa again, and again asked her to remove her stuff. Again, Tressa said that it has been there a long time, as if that's some reason it should be allowed to stay. then she had the temerity to tell my mother that her boyfriend (not aware what # he might be in the succession since David. She started a relationship with some guy while David was in the hospital dying and that one was stabbed to death at the library if I have the matter straight.) Anyway, this guy, who apparently installed my mom's new water heater is going to send an invoice for $40 because he says he had to install some pipe when he installed the water heater because something is leaking. I am thinking my mom only used him after being bullied into it by the fact that her house is in such a state she doesn't want it to be seen. And why would it be in such a state? I think that's directly attributable to David, Tressa and "the boys" My mother would never have lived like she is and she is in a mess that I don't see how she can get out of, barring a huge loan and total renovation which I am pretty sure will mean she can't afford to live there. She also told me that the grandson who lives with her, who is supposed to be helping her once again refused to get up. So, she was in the garage by herself wading through all this stuff. Again, I offered to go down there. I had thought not to post pictures of her house because I don't in any way want to embarrass her, but I am reconsidering, NOT to embarrass her but to document the reality and scope of the mess.

I told my mom that if this guy comes with an invoice that she should hand him one for Tressa, for the cost of hauling her junk away. 

Yesterday, when talking with my mom she told me she told Tressa to get her stuff our of the garage. She said Tressa had a lot of excuses ("It's been there a long time" etc) I told her I wished she'd use the money I sent (drop in the bucket) to have stuff hauled away. My mom does not think she should have to do this and, in fact, she is flat out refusing to pay to have Tressa's stuff removed. I think there's a snowflake's chance that Tressa will do anything about it. I told my mom $250 would probably pay to have 2 loads removed. I said if Tressa cares about whatever she has out there that if she sees it being hauled away she WILL do something then, but that I don't think she does care and that if my mom wants it gone I think she will have to pay. My mom referred to the 3 days her city allows things to be hauled away...I asked, ""Can you pick the days?" "No" "Then that's just more time passing where what you want done isn't getting done" (There's also a limit of 10 large items per load.) I have no idea what's out there but I'm not so sure it's large items rather than a LOT of smaller junk.My mom gets upset when I point things like this out. She reverts to saying she needs to do things her own way and in her own time. Hercules could not do what is needed speedily, so if my mom is trying to do this herself it will not occur in her lifetime. I am sure we both hung up frustrated.

While I was at work a friend messaged me and he asked how the projects were going and if my mom was happy with the yard care. I said she is not, but that from what I can see it looks like the people did $1500 worth of work. There's just more to do. And then at some point it needs to be landscaped. I told him I was already gathering names for people to finish the taking out portion (there's a HUGE- tall but thin tree she didn't even know was there it was so hidden in the jungle. And there's a bird of paradise stump and other stuff that needs to go still.) This is just the front yard. Anyway, I told him I'd suggested to my mom that she not do this take out stuff right now, nothing is going to grow back uncontrollably any time soon, but that she should concentrate on getting the garage cleaned out so that she can get the new garage doors before the estimate expires. She is trying to do all this stuff on her income. I don't know what her income is, it's probably more than mine but i bet it is not much. Again, I see doing things that way as extending beyond her lifespan. If she does it that way I don't think she'll ever have the satisfaction of seeing things the way she wants them. Plus she SAYS she'd like to move anyway.I get extremely frustrated. My friend suggested that she is perhaps eligible for Habitat For Humanity to come in and renovate the house for her. I told him houses in her neighborhood go for $700 K + and I don't think Habitat For Humanity is going to help there. Then he suggested Oprah. I started to experience physical symptoms of anger. I said begging from Oprah is about like thinking you will win the lottery. He pressed on about the Oprah idea. I told him tthe thought of Oprah made me ill. He asked ehy. He said she started with nothing and earned all her money. I asked how one "earns" 3 BILLION dollars and he answered, "slowly" I told him that in my view she did not start with nothing and that it is impossible for a person to honestly "earn" 3 billion dollars. This woman is an entertainer. I cannot see her value to humanity being that large and the control she has over resources makes me just squeam.It's not exactly personal. I feel that way about all obscenely rich people. He could not understand my anger and suggested that one day I might explain it to him. I considered his acculturation, and thought, "nope, the hope of making an inroad through your mindset is not worth the possibility of a stroke. I thought of my mom working all of her life and having so little....compared to Oprah. I had to tell him to stop talking to me.

The yard care service sent me some before and after pictures. My mom is not satisfied but to me it looks like $1500 worth of work was done. It sure isn't pretty and there is more that needs to come out. I told her I would pay to have the taking out done. She doesn't like that idea and I can ill afford it but I can't see asking those people to do more. There's at least one more BIG tree that needs to go and a stump and if it were my yard I'd take more out. It would be a blank canvas. But it needs to be relandscaped and I do not think that's even on the radar of things to be done right now. And again, unless she takes out a huge loan I don't see how she can manage to pay for all that needs to be done. I have a small amount of money that I intend to give her, I thought I'd be contributing to having excess stuff hauled away but maybe she will want to get the yard stuff worked on first. I would clear the garage and get garage doors. So much needs to be done. In the pictures it is evident she needs window coverings. Windows too. It's daunting I really feel like I should be down there. And I am angry and resentful thatt she has to deal with Tressa's CRAP, accumulated over decades. This is a belated reaction you'd think, but it has been the same all along. My mom just let it happen and it seemed like it was, in a very twisted way, her choice. That human is the bane of my mother's life. And I am not sure that she knows it. Tressa that is. I guess it's more that she doesn't give a fuck. I could vent and vent and vent. I REALLY wish I could help my mom more. Heck I need to help me more, but it's my mom's time. But my total income was about $17,000 and that does not go far enough. I was never money oriented and at this point I wish I had given it more attention