Mama Drama

Having a fight with my mom an it is totally draining me. It's also making me feel guilty, and as if I should not speak bad truth to my MOTHER who is old, infirm and waning. However, that is not what I did. The fight was about the car she gave to my friend Grace because a) she could not drive it and B) my alcoholic, unlicensed, uninsured nephew refused to give her her key. At the time I told her she could have the car disabled, have it taken to a junkyard (you should have seen what a mess it was) or she could give it away. My friend Grace offered to take it. My mom signed the title and we had the car towed, pronto. While my widowed sister in law screamed that it should be hers or Corey's.... The whole point was to do it fast before Corey had a wreck possibly hurt or killed someone and got my mother's whole estate taken from her. But my mother felt it was too fast. Did she want the car? Could she drive the car? It would have been a done deal, except that when Grace tried to get the title changed to her named the DMV told her there was a lienholder on the title, so we had to contact the credit union it was financed through and get them to take the lien off. I knew my mom had paid off the car, it was a 1997 Camry. She had owned it free and clear for YEARS. But she was miffed with the speed with which we had acted and the credit union had become another credit union and blah blah blah. I tried several times to resolve it. I got nowhere. Meanwhile, Grace had taken that car apart and cleaned it thoroughly and gotten it into as much running condition as she could without driving it. A LOT of work and Grace is a skilled worker. My mom has for some reason labelled Grace as her enemy. I cannot fathom why. When her wreck of a house had the burner of a fairly new electric stove burning on HIGH for MONTHS Grace was the one who went and turned the thing off. Not the nephews. They are lucky the house did not burn down. I think my mom is jealous of Grace and it makes me sick. Anyway, we were getting notices threatening a lawsuit because the car, still on my mom's name, was not registered. It was a fiasco. I did not have the time or the know how of how to resolve it so I finally resorted to contacting the lawyer (who my mom has met like 5 times in her life and while he is a nice guy and I like him he makes $230 an hour and she has amended her trust to give him his outstanding student loan-currently $60,000.) But she objects to me resolving the matter and she objects to me involving the lawyer (on the basis of money mind you) Anyway I did, after a year, resort to resolving it and his secretary (Notary public) came by yesterday with papers for her to sign. She knew the lady was coming but she is further mad that I brought her into her bedroom (it's hard for my mom to get up and about) Also, papers to resolve this issue were not the only papers she brought, the lawyer, unbeknownst to me though he had written me an email mentioning it but I didn't read that till later) sent durable power of attorney papers naming me as her durable power of attorney. I had no idea. Now my mom already feels she is losing control. I have wanted durable power of attorney because it would make acting on her behalf so much easier but this was just sprung on her. Shocked I asked if that was necessary and the secretary said it's just somethin people sign in her situation. That's disingenuous. My mother said to just give it to her and she would sign it. And she did. But we've been arguing and she's been pouting ever since. Thing is, my mom is no angel. When she said, "I don't trust you" I told her flat out I had less reason to trust her than she had to distrust me. I asked if she wanted to get into it. She said she did so I started ennumerating things she has done to me. The last thing i want is contention but I am not up for installing her on a pedestal and kissing her ass either. Nope. Just not. Even if I landed on the street, which I easily could. So today has been an unpleasant day. I don't know how much longer this situation will last. To me it's just plain stupid and self defeating. she refused breakfast this morning (I did test her blood sugar and it was 235 so she may have eaten somethig in her room) And I tested it again and it was 166 in the afternoon so my fear of low blood sugar reaction was unfounded. I brought her dinner and just left it with her and I believe she ate it. but good grief! WHY all this drama?