About Me

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I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.

Monday, July 28, 2014

I am laughing. Debbie asked if I would do another of her dogs...one I remember well. He is a sweet clown of a bichon and he does this very cute dance every time I see him (not just me) But...did you hear BICHON? I am not the best for the more foo foo breeds. a nice little poodle, ok... but Bichon heads give me fits and these people like this dog's head HUGE. I remember Debbie did him more proportionally once and the owners had a COW. So... big Bichon head Thursday. I will give it a shot. I hope Debbie heals soon!!! But I confess I will be happy to see this goony, happy dog again.
WHEW!!!!! My phone rang and I had left it in the kitchen so I just answered without looking and it was Mrs Silky Terrier and she LIKED her! I am so relieved you would not believe it. I told her her husband overpaid me, but she just said keep it. You have no idea how worried I was.
Two dogs later today. The silky terrier is gone. The husband was really nice but I just know the wife is going to hate her. I told him not to pay (really, not a big deal to me!) but not only did he overpay he gave me a tip too. I wish I'd gotten a pic but I didn't ask. Poor guy was sitting in my garage on his Kindle for 2 1/2 hours.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

This is what this silky terrier is supposed to look like, more or less, tomorrow
REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY nervous! My friend Debbie who taught me to groom had a bad accident- she fell down her stairs and hurt her back. When she told me, I was picturing those stairs- very steep, pretty narrow and a long way to fall. Made me wince and shudder. She will not be able to work (she grooms at her beautiful house) for at least a week. I am wondering how she will recover THAT fast. Anyway, she sent one of her clients to me, and I will be doing this dog tomorrow. The reason I am nervous is that back when I was grooming all kinds of dogs, all sizes and cuts, all the time, I did this dog (Debbie must have been gone) The lady is REALLY picky. The dog is sweet, she's a silky terrier and I remember her long. No two groomers groom alike and at my best I was not in Debbie's league. The dogs I have been aiming for in this fundraiser, and as potential clients are dogs that NEED grooming. Usually they have not been groomed in awhile and usually the people are looking for simple and clean. So far I've mostly done 10 strips and that's basically making the dog next to bald. So.... this sweet dog (who has also been sick) is now what, 5 years older? And I remember the lady's pickiness... AND she wants her husband to stay. I don't mind people staying, in fact I think it's good when they know what grooming entails and Debbie has proclaimed me the most gentle groomer she knows, but there are times when you have to be very firm to keep a dog still. (Hoping to God this dog is not senile now, when they get senile they just don't understand and my tendency then is to make them as comfortable and as nice looking as possible without being rigorous.) This sacrifices a lot in the looks area.

Grooming dogs is like doing sculpture in hair with an array of sharp objects, chemicals and strange sensations on a LIVING sentient entity that does not speak your language and who has definite thoughts about the process, thoughts which will be conveyed kinetically. Often there are mournful vocalizations and occasionally, teeth. 


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

With sadness I am starting to prepare to quit my job. If I do, it will be because of my low tolerance to selfish manipulative power seekers and my complete lack of tolerance for drama. It's not a great job anyway, but useful and comfortable and it has been drama free an easy to fit into my life. I like most of the people, some quite a lot. Maybe I can grow a dog grooming business. maybe I can think of something to do that will be good and financially stable enough to work out for us. i hope so. But I am too old and too damaged to deal with a work environment that makes me sick. Won't do it.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Supposing I will update this page with s little of what's been going on in my life. I ask myself why. I really am not sure, but here I am on the page and typing words.

I took two of my co-workers out to lunch yesterday which I enjoyed a lot. Lorena is a friend and I like Greg a lot. We went to Benjas for Thai food and I had sake which is a very pleasant mellow drink for me. Lorena and Greg share a birthday if not birth year. Both July 16. Today Lorena went sky-diving. her second time. She did a front flip out of the plane. : )

Last night was fairly interesting. I watched 2 documentaries, one about reassessing the role of Neanderthals in our history. I don't even know if PBS is a trustworthy source anymore. If news can lie, if governments and corporations can lie, who can you trust? That's a pretty serious question and I am sure it will crop up a lot in my thoughts. On the Neanderthal doc, I found it interesting that the percentages of Neanderthal DNA found in modern humans is purported to vary by ethnicity. Lowest percentages Africans. Next, Asians and the most Europeans. The doc was saying that some of the Neanderthal DNA in modern humans seemed to be a boost for immune systems. I wondered if part might also relate to aggressive tendencies but then I wondered if my wondering was racist. It was an interesting watch. The second documentary was on tiny houses. I am charmed by them even while wondering if I could adapt to living in one. I had a real dislike of the house my mother still lives in. 3000 square feet. That larger house had a very negative impact on our family life. As a matter of fact, I was always happiest in cabins we stayed in. I think minimizing one's stuff and spending more tie outside might be a very good thing. yes, I would want 'my place" but need it be humongous? No! I was wondering what a community of tiny house folk might be like. Maybe a couple of common structures (ok...I was thinking like a stable and a pool and some sort of meeting rooms) I was thinking gardens and lots of nature. It was pleasant fantasy.

When I went to bed I did not sleep very well. Threw up (normal for me) then slept fitfully. I had my ghosts. but also some strange stuff. One wake up I was in a tizzy about Kim Peek (Rainman- who is dead) I was very emotional wondering about whether he had felt loved. It seemed from the little I know about him that he was. I was wondering what that was all about! At another point I was thinking of a woman I really didn't want to think about much. She was a former employer and I had gone from liking her lots to not so much by the end. I always dreaded seeing her and what I might say. Well wouldn't you know it I went to get Dude's Prozac today (third attempt) and I was dressed in grooming clothes because I had 2 dogs coming very shortly. I was only at the store for the Prozac, in and out, but who do you suppose I met going out the door? Yup! She hugged me. I hugged back. I said, "I was thinking about you last night" She said, "I think about you all the time" I wanted to, but did not, ask what she thought about me. She asked what I was doing, if i was grooming. I said I was (well, it's only a fundraiser, but I didn't say that) and that I am going to school and working for another company. Then I excused myself. It was very weird. I hate situations where perhaps air should be cleared but I don't clear it. But I was glad not to feel hostile. And so strange that i was thinking about her just last night. I don't get her with the ghosts that often. The last wake up was also odd. I had the word "Seabirds" in blue writing on a grey background as an image in my head. What kind of image is that??? I have a strange brain. there was other stuff too but that's more the usual stuff.

I am happy that my fundraiser has picked up a bit. I have done 4 more dogs. One was a 16 year old shh tzu. He was in pretty good shape for his age. not a very pretty dog but very sweet. His owner's old groomer had retired and when I asked her what she wanted done she honestly didn't know. I suggested maybe a quarter inch of hair (he was white with very fine maltese-y hair. His face was already short so I just trimmed it a bit. Lots of eye excretions and I don;t know what I've done with my eye-boogie comb (flea comb but there aren't fleas in my area- the thing is the perfect tool for eye-boogies though) Anyway when she came to get him i could tell she wasn't really pleased. She wanted him shorter. I told her to bring him back after my other dog of the day was gone and i would re-do him. She knew that that was a lot to do but i didn't mind for me, I want people to be happy. But that was a lot of grooming time for an old dog. I completely 10 stripped him, ears, tail head and face included. she said her old groomer shaved his face. Hope that's what she wanted! The other dog that day was the smallest adult corgi I have ever seen. Hee was adorable. At first he was very scared but once he realized i wasn't going to hurt him he seemed to enjoy the process. I really enjoyed him too. He was just a bath but I got a ton of undercoat off him. Today I did my friend Annie's Bichon and her grandmother's cockerpoo. I did maintenance on them but tried to charge her for a bath. She insisted on giving me more. Told her I wouldn't take it so she specified to give it to one of the friends i am fundraising for. Which I did. Annie stayed the whole time. Partly out of curiosity to see how her dogs were done and partly just to spend time with me. I was touched!

One of the friends I am fundraising for just found out her father died July 7th (as if she doesn't have way too much on her plate already) He had been homeless and he'd had throat cancer which she just told me he was clear on. She thinks the radiation got him. Anyway she found out the night before her English final and English terrifies her. This is her last mandatory English class and i was too tired to help her without some rest. Got up late and the night to find texts about her dad. She is a very tenderhearted person. She went to the final but when the professor saw her she was so swollen eyed from crying the professor gave her a 2 week extension for the final . I was so glad. That was compassionate. The other person i am fundraising for does not seem t be getting much better with whatever is making her body fail to make red blood cells. And HER daughter, a CNA single mom just had too have her gallbladder out the other day. My little bit isn't doing a whole lot to help them.

I agreed to trade hours with a co-worker tomorrow so I am working 1-9 (I don't prefer the evening and she knows that. I need to start just saying NO, but my nature is accommodating.Anyway I got a text last night about a cocker spaniel that needs a groom. I asked 3 times if he is under 30 pounds because otherwise I won't be able to lift and maneuver him with my darn hands. she didn't answer but i told her to bring him at 9 tomorrow morning. I guess we will see. But this was probably a mistake to do him and then go work 1-9. Dog grooming is like physical high for me. it relaxes me a lot but i typically just want to sleep afterward. Hope I make it through tomorrow.

The poem that was published is presumably here http://www.vineleavesliteraryjournal.com/issue-11-jul-2014.html I haven't looked through it yet, I like the writing I have read here. I liked my poem better before i made it 'clearer" Oh well, I am still happy someone liked it!

Now I am going to bed! Yes it is early but I am dog tired.

Friday, July 11, 2014

I got paid for having a poem published. $4.63. The sky is the limit now baybee!!!!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

This is Lucy, just the second dog in my not too successful fundraiser. She was just a maintenance and today is her owner's birthday (Leann, who brought me Daisy, Daisy is Lucy's mother) so I didn't charge. Guess we can say I am not a very successful fundraiser. 

Monday, July 7, 2014

I am stewing. Guess I do that a lot, Oh well. Today I went to see my friend (with the 5 kids and a malfunctioning minivan) It is one of her son's birthday, the one who doesn't live with her. Actually his birthday was the other day but he was out of town with his foster family. Because I know she does not have much I took 3 pizzas (chain) and 2 liters of root beer. she had some little gifts for him, all wrapped. I hadn't thought of a gift because I was really going over there to help her with a 10 page paper she has due by next Tuesday for her English class. She fears English. So far she's doing ok with the class.  I have been so worried for her. As if it's not enough to be a single mother (for all intents and purposes, her husband is in jail and she very much wants a divorce) She has responsibilities for all those kids and is always just on the edge. She is going to school full time hoping to qualify herself for something that could support her family and she takes little seasonal jobs which let her go as soon as the season is over. All of the kids have big needs. And this woman TRIES so hard to do everything. She hates being subsidized so she keeps trying to work. I think it's too much and the jobs she gets are usually seasonal and they let her go when the season is over. Right now she is working for a company that cleans commercial businesses. They "hired" her and her 16 year old daughter. But then, they told her they would pay HER her daughter's wages and not officially hire her daughter. Well this looks like she is making more than she is and she has lost her foodstamps. The company also refuses to pay them for actual hours worked. they say a job should take a certain amount of time and they pay "piecework" but it invariably takes longer. AND in one case of the piecework she described her employer charges the business $90 of which she and her daughter are to get $40!!! All this sounds illegal to me (but this is a "right to work" state, so maybe it isn't. It IS unethical though. I can't see it any other way. And my friend isn't even up to this work. I hate our culture that we use people like this.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Raining a little here today. I love that.

The shirt I ordered for Bruce came. I loved the art but they printed with wrinkles. LOTS of them which left stark white stripes all over the shirt. So I am returning it. Makes me sad. Wanted to do something nice for him.

Trying not to dwell in darker thoughts. I've been really disappointed that the grooming fundraiser has not gone better. I've spent about $80 in supplies and $19 in advertising it on Facebook where it says the ad was seen by 4,811 people locally but which resulted in only 4 likes, a question and zero appointments. I could have given the money to my friends an done better by them. The whole thing makes me sad. Tomorrow the grooming supplies come and I need to be here to sign apparently.

I need some fun and I need to do some stuff that I like to do, just for me.

Friday, July 4, 2014

This is Daisy. She was the first dog of my summer dog grooming fundraiser for my friends. She is an angel to groom, exceptionally good for her feet. I did her with a 3/4 " blade, my longest one without a comb.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Oh YAY! First dog tomorrow at 10!!!!!!
My brain is skipping around. Today was another delightful rather carefree day. For me. Bruce is grappling with darker feelings and I wish I could know and do what he needs to feel that I care.

Last night Miles' daughter posted a wish to just go stargaze with someone. It made e smile and think of her dad. We used to do that quite often and in remote places where the sky was ablaze with stars. Really, I had so much happiness then and yet some people in my life were pretty disapproving. I shared a man. That surprised even me, but I love Jane and understood what miles saw in her and I was not jealous. I hope she wasn't. She didn't act jealous. As a matter of fact I think the relationship was good for everyone involved. I gave Jane some extra stability and help. She gave me the closest thing to children I will have in this life (an what wonderful women they have turned out to be!) I hope I_____ finds someone to stargaze with. She reminds me very much of her father who was the most romantic man I ever met and who would be very uncomfortable with that description. But i stand by it.

One the dog grooming front, no firm appointments yet but a tentative plan to groom a shih tzu puppy (first groom) sometime next week. So far I have spent about $80 on supplies which I thought I would just recoup but at this rate I won't do that. Sure hope the project picks up with word of mouth! This is depressing. But math was never my strong suit. I thought it was a good idea.

I really need to start studying chemistry. If I don't I know I will be sorry. I wish I knew someone I was taking it with or someone I could brainstorm with. But i don't. I also need to do some home projects.

That's about all that's on my mind at the moment.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Today was a fairly quiet day. I am listening to Destiny of Souls and contemplating my life purpose and thinking about what I value and why. I am happy because several friends have been supportive in encouraging me in my grooming fundraising project. I think I will have some dogs to groom. It does not look like it may be a sizable chunk that I can raise for either person and both really could use some help. I was thinking about these two today. I am not intimate friends with either but I love both of them. I don't know Twila as well. I met her as a teenager and have watched her grow into such a fine woman. She care for a dear friend of mine that I used to work with at AT&T. He is gay, LDS background, paraplegic and now facing other health issues. I love him dearly and I feel sure he would have died several times over had not Twila been caring for him. That precludes her having a regular job but lately she has starting working at a spiritual center and she seems very happy. I was stunned to learn she was in the hospital and she may need more transfusions. So far, only $200 has been raised to help her. She doesn't have insurance. My friend R... she is a soul teacher to me. She struggles with problems I can barely even imagine and yet she is always trying and such a happy person. I'd do anything I could to help her. I guess the thought and a little money will be better than nothing. I think the most important thing is to let them each know I see them and that I really care. I think that's the most important thing you can do for anyone. I am anxious to meet new people and new dogs. Someone asked if i can do a Bassett Hound....wellllllllllll... I'd give it a try but I think too big for me now. There won't be any charge at all to anyone who is not satisfied. Existence and its meaning fascinate me.