About Me

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I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

First yard care company came out to estomate cleaning up the front yard. He gave my mom an estimate for $400 for part of the yard. I asked why not the whole yard. she said she didn't interview him very well. So I called and He said $600 to clean up the whole front yard, which includes removing a gargantuan bird of paradise. I've never seen one that big before! I don't know if the thing could be tamed or if better to just remove, I lean toward removal. He said they can do xeriascaping but I am not sure I have confidence in the result. I don't think he would be drawing up a planned sketch and when I asked about rocks for crating a little landscape he said they could use rocks as big as he could carry. So, not so sure he's right for the xeriascaping, but I think she will not get a better estimate on cleaning up the front yard, which Eddie (that's the guy who went to see her)described as a jungle. And that's a polite term for the mess it is. If he gets the job (I've set up other estimates for her) nd he does well they do other services too, some interior and so he could be a great help if he can get rid of some of the things she will want to get rid of. I'm going to call her in a few butt I just finished grooming a dog and I need to recoup a bit. I wish I was down there. I was I had $600 just laying around (more actually, so much more, but I don't. I don't know what her idea of a budget is but MY guess when I was looking at just the front yard and NOT including the garage doors was $5000. She's unsure of spending $400. I feel stressed. I'm sure she does too. I need to get estimates on garage doors. She needs 3 and I am thinking those will be about $600 apiece installed.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Made 4 appointments for my mom with yard care companies. They start tomorrow. She told me she'd have a pen and paper ready but she didn't, so she will have to call me back. I don't know how big she has to write to read because she can't see well. She also asked me to schedule estimates for new garage doors. If she gets those and the yard worked on her neighbors will be happy. Then she can start tackling the inside problems, I really hope she does the xeriascape for the front yard but we will see.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

She sounded good tonight. She really wants to start addressing the way she's living. I told her I would get 3 appointments for estimates for her for the front yard call her tomorrow with the times. I m pleased she's considering ripping out the jungle and having the yard xeriascaped. I tried to suggest new (badly needed) garage doors. But she is thinking of inside projects that DO need to be done but I think the house is going to need more overhauling than just putting down new flooring. I am thinking with the work she needs she needs to have a plan that encompasses it ALL.
Youngest nephew had a fever of 107 and something with white blood cells. I have no idea what the source of this is or if he is out of the hospital.
David;s widow's boyfriend put in the water heater. Makes me squirmy. I suggested moving down there and getting a job. She still thinks it's not the right time but she needs help. I don't know how long I'd be there and I don't like So CA, but talking with a friend about older people forced to move it sounds like a lot of them losre a reason to live and holy shit I think she deserves a couple of happy years if not more
I've had the day off today and I have just rested and relaxed. But I am thinking of going to CA and getting a job there. My mom wouldn't need round the clock care. Leaving Bruce and the dogs here for an appreciable amount of time would be the hardest part. It would be open ended. Going to try to call her and see what's up in her world.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Well, my mom has re-established hot water. Presumably installed by a licensed plumber. I didn't ask if there was additional cost to the $350 arrangement her grandson previously made (and I am not sure he didn't try to install it himself) I have no idea what the water heater cost but I do know she wanted 50 gallon and he insisted on 60 gallon and did not arrange for Home Depot to install it. I don't know if that would have been the fastest, best way to get the job done.
When I look at it, it's not like I am an expert at living. Especially in the areas she really needs help in. I am not known to be practical or handy or good at physical work. She needs skills along those lines. These thoughts and the probability that her grandson would have to leave if I went down there when he does have some skills she could use. I have others and I know my motivations, strengths and weaknesses. If I went down there i would have to quit my little $10 an hour job which does mean that I would be even less "self sufficient" than I am now which is not very. My grooming business would decline. Bruce might need to get a job (he contributes now to our household but it is from a limited fund) I have no idea how long I'd need to be there and if I could persuade her to come back here where I have some idea of how to make a little money. I don't even know if it is best that she move. I mean, that house is huge and it is a mess and her climbing stairs is not a thing that makes my sleep come easily. I have asked her to at least move her bedroom downstairs but she says climbing the stairs is "good for her" I told her exercise might be good but it would be better on a flat surface. So I am still sifting whether what i do is in her best interest. There are a lot of considerations and I can't help but think that what is important to her, most important to her, is autonomy. She may not be doing the best job and it's not even the way she wants it but it is a culmination of her decisions. And I truthfully don't think she's mentally incompetent unless she has been so for years and years. Then again, there's the question, would I do any better by her? Yes, she would eat better. Yes, I could take her wherever she needed to go whenever she needed to go there. Yes, if she let me, I could try to get her house organized, renovated and sold, because to afford renovation would mean she couldn't afford to live there. She's gong to be 80 January 1st. I wish I was financially able to go there AND support myself. I wish she saw my wishes for her as good for her. I am afraid I will do the wrong thing.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

ok. she paid for the water heater from Home Depot but it wasn't what she wanted it was what the grandson who lives with her wanted and he had some friend of his install it, incorrectly. I gave her the number for Home Depot to see if they will exchange it for what she wants and install the thing so that it works. I am surprised the water heater is gas because all the kitchen is electric, but from what I can tell there is no gas leaking or anything like that. I gave her three numbers for yard care and there's plenty more if she doesn't like any of those. I  told her if it was me, I'd absolutely clear the front yard and have them put in xeriascaping very very low maintenance. That didn't seem to go over well with her.
I got about 2 hours of sleep last night- I called my mom to wish her Merry Christmas (I am really trying to keep more in touch) and learned, in the hour or so I was on the phone, that she has no hot water. I don't know how long this has been the case. She says she bought a 60 gallon hot water heater and my nephew had it installed but apparently not correctly. She says the pilot light won't stay on. I am wondering how dangerous this is besides the problem of no hot water.
I also learned my youngest nephew is in the hospital, this one apparently not a mental hospital. She has a restraining order against him so I am partly glad he apparently cannot go break into her house. which he does regularly and wondering what is wrong. I was happy to hear he was getting some kind of mental health treatment. I am wondering now if he will be the next family death. My oldest nephew managed to drink himself to death at 28. Asking about what was wrong had to be filtered through my mom. She said something about white blood cells and something like that he could be allergic to people or people could be allergic to him. I feel badly that I have no relationship to the 2 remaining nephews but on the other hand, they are predatory enough that my predominant feeling is relief that this one cannot do anything bad to my mom for now.
Their mother, a person I want nothing to do with for the remainder of forever stopped by my mother's house on Christmas Eve. Apparently as a visit. My mother has a restraining order for her too but it has not been served for lack of an address. She is the bane of my mother's life. Yet, the whole family dynamic is nutsy enough that i can see her at the door, thinking she would somehow be welcome.
My mother asked me if i can find someone to "clean up the front yard" I will certainly look for someone but i think she has an unrealistic idea of what this will entail and what it will cost. It is not a mattter of tidying up or mowing the way I see it.
Mostly I spent the night agonizing about what I should do. Should I try to get power of attorney and force whatt I think is right on her? She would ate that. She's not safe but she is 79 and in poor health and she does not seem to me to bew senile even if she is unrealistic and living with many unnecessary risks. She's going to be 80 in a few days.
I told her I would bring her to Utah, but she doesn't want to come. I told her I would go down and live with her though I hate that house with a loathing that even if it was habitable I don't know how I could stand. But I would stand it. However, just about every terrible reality I ever learned about humans and life I learned in that house. When I was down there to see her last we were sitting on her porch (I won't willingly enter unless she gives me permission to do things to help the situation) and she demonstrated her ability to cause me an astonishing amount of pain seemingly without effort. I was ready to leave when she, out of the blue and for no reason I can think of said something to the effect that she thought my first love was not a serious thing and she went on about it for a little while. It was extremely serious to me and I would think the aftermath of the relationship would have given her a clue that might be so, but from out of nowhere she chooses to bring it up like that as I am leaving.
I do not know what to do. But every new bit of information tells me I should probably do something. Even if neither of us like it much. There is no "safe" but she's in a deathtrap