About Me

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I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Talked to my mom. She sounded depressed. Corey, again, did nothing to help her. Tressa's father died this morning. I offered again to go down, she again, declined.

Monday, January 25, 2016

My mom is softening on the idea of me going down there. I told Bruce that last night and he thinks I should under the one and only mom law, but she seemed anxious and depressed and scared about it. One issue seemed to be that he thought my being physically absent would lead me to a decision that I don't need him. Actually I prize loyalty and Bruce has been loyal to me. He's supportive and kind and funny and while both of us wish we had more connection we do honestly love one another and I plan to keep this relationship. At least as long as that is also his wish! He's worried about money and I can understand that. I'd need to get a job if I went down there. He's worried about me quitting my current job and leaving my very small business. Understandable. But this is my one and only mother and she needs help. She is reluctant to have me go there which she knows would be hard on my life, probably hers too and this does not even factor in Corey. I have no idea what Corey would do, but it sounds like he is more of an impediment than a help and I honestly feel like he and his brother and mother are waiting like vultures for my mom to die. I think, if she were eating better and less stressed she may have some good time left. I really wish she would move up here, have that house renovated and sold and then she'd have money and peace to care for her for the rest of her life. But she is still firm in the idea that "she has to do what she can" I don't understand it, but I am not omniscient and if I don't do everything I can to try to help her I know I will regret it. She was coughing badly again when I spoke to her yesterday. She said it was because she got cold being downstairs trying to get a friend of Corey's to leave. She said she was down there till 4:15 am. Now, yes Corey is either 29 or 30 so technically an adult but he pays NOTHING to live there and she gives him money and pays for things for him. He helps her minimally. He's giving her a line now that if she fixes his teeth he will get a job and help her out. Yeah, right. So, I don't know what Corey would do if he was forced to leave but that would leave very little reason for him, Tressa or Brad to be there and if she had someone (me) she could rely on to take her where she needs to go and do what she needs to do she might have a little peace. I don't know what kind of work I could find there but it would probably be enough whatever it was and hopefully she'd agree to transitions somewhere out of that house eventually.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Today my mom got the money I sent her. Not enough to do much, but all I could spare. She said Tressa and her boyfriend came and got some stuff out of the garage. What did they get? Suitcases. Wow....impressive. NOT! She said Corey (grandson who lives with her, free and she gives him money) did not get her a Cobb salad yesterday. He brought her "a couple pieces of pizza" She doesn't like pizza and that is not a very nutritious meal. Again, I offered to go down....

Friday, January 22, 2016

Today I sent Miles' guitar to Mary, one of the three girls I love as close as I can to my own children, which I never had. I had listened to see if any of them mentioned any interest in playing guitar. I had hoped most that Ilona would, because, biology. But Mary is starting to learn. I hope she learns to play and loves that guitar

I talked to my mom today. She sounded better. She said she spoke with Tressa again, and again asked her to remove her stuff. Again, Tressa said that it has been there a long time, as if that's some reason it should be allowed to stay. then she had the temerity to tell my mother that her boyfriend (not aware what # he might be in the succession since David. She started a relationship with some guy while David was in the hospital dying and that one was stabbed to death at the library if I have the matter straight.) Anyway, this guy, who apparently installed my mom's new water heater is going to send an invoice for $40 because he says he had to install some pipe when he installed the water heater because something is leaking. I am thinking my mom only used him after being bullied into it by the fact that her house is in such a state she doesn't want it to be seen. And why would it be in such a state? I think that's directly attributable to David, Tressa and "the boys" My mother would never have lived like she is and she is in a mess that I don't see how she can get out of, barring a huge loan and total renovation which I am pretty sure will mean she can't afford to live there. She also told me that the grandson who lives with her, who is supposed to be helping her once again refused to get up. So, she was in the garage by herself wading through all this stuff. Again, I offered to go down there. I had thought not to post pictures of her house because I don't in any way want to embarrass her, but I am reconsidering, NOT to embarrass her but to document the reality and scope of the mess.

I told my mom that if this guy comes with an invoice that she should hand him one for Tressa, for the cost of hauling her junk away. 

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Yesterday, when talking with my mom she told me she told Tressa to get her stuff our of the garage. She said Tressa had a lot of excuses ("It's been there a long time" etc) I told her I wished she'd use the money I sent (drop in the bucket) to have stuff hauled away. My mom does not think she should have to do this and, in fact, she is flat out refusing to pay to have Tressa's stuff removed. I think there's a snowflake's chance that Tressa will do anything about it. I told my mom $250 would probably pay to have 2 loads removed. I said if Tressa cares about whatever she has out there that if she sees it being hauled away she WILL do something then, but that I don't think she does care and that if my mom wants it gone I think she will have to pay. My mom referred to the 3 days her city allows things to be hauled away...I asked, ""Can you pick the days?" "No" "Then that's just more time passing where what you want done isn't getting done" (There's also a limit of 10 large items per load.) I have no idea what's out there but I'm not so sure it's large items rather than a LOT of smaller junk.My mom gets upset when I point things like this out. She reverts to saying she needs to do things her own way and in her own time. Hercules could not do what is needed speedily, so if my mom is trying to do this herself it will not occur in her lifetime. I am sure we both hung up frustrated.

While I was at work a friend messaged me and he asked how the projects were going and if my mom was happy with the yard care. I said she is not, but that from what I can see it looks like the people did $1500 worth of work. There's just more to do. And then at some point it needs to be landscaped. I told him I was already gathering names for people to finish the taking out portion (there's a HUGE- tall but thin tree she didn't even know was there it was so hidden in the jungle. And there's a bird of paradise stump and other stuff that needs to go still.) This is just the front yard. Anyway, I told him I'd suggested to my mom that she not do this take out stuff right now, nothing is going to grow back uncontrollably any time soon, but that she should concentrate on getting the garage cleaned out so that she can get the new garage doors before the estimate expires. She is trying to do all this stuff on her income. I don't know what her income is, it's probably more than mine but i bet it is not much. Again, I see doing things that way as extending beyond her lifespan. If she does it that way I don't think she'll ever have the satisfaction of seeing things the way she wants them. Plus she SAYS she'd like to move anyway.I get extremely frustrated. My friend suggested that she is perhaps eligible for Habitat For Humanity to come in and renovate the house for her. I told him houses in her neighborhood go for $700 K + and I don't think Habitat For Humanity is going to help there. Then he suggested Oprah. I started to experience physical symptoms of anger. I said begging from Oprah is about like thinking you will win the lottery. He pressed on about the Oprah idea. I told him tthe thought of Oprah made me ill. He asked ehy. He said she started with nothing and earned all her money. I asked how one "earns" 3 BILLION dollars and he answered, "slowly" I told him that in my view she did not start with nothing and that it is impossible for a person to honestly "earn" 3 billion dollars. This woman is an entertainer. I cannot see her value to humanity being that large and the control she has over resources makes me just squeam.It's not exactly personal. I feel that way about all obscenely rich people. He could not understand my anger and suggested that one day I might explain it to him. I considered his acculturation, and thought, "nope, the hope of making an inroad through your mindset is not worth the possibility of a stroke. I thought of my mom working all of her life and having so little....compared to Oprah. I had to tell him to stop talking to me.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The yard care service sent me some before and after pictures. My mom is not satisfied but to me it looks like $1500 worth of work was done. It sure isn't pretty and there is more that needs to come out. I told her I would pay to have the taking out done. She doesn't like that idea and I can ill afford it but I can't see asking those people to do more. There's at least one more BIG tree that needs to go and a stump and if it were my yard I'd take more out. It would be a blank canvas. But it needs to be relandscaped and I do not think that's even on the radar of things to be done right now. And again, unless she takes out a huge loan I don't see how she can manage to pay for all that needs to be done. I have a small amount of money that I intend to give her, I thought I'd be contributing to having excess stuff hauled away but maybe she will want to get the yard stuff worked on first. I would clear the garage and get garage doors. So much needs to be done. In the pictures it is evident she needs window coverings. Windows too. It's daunting I really feel like I should be down there. And I am angry and resentful thatt she has to deal with Tressa's CRAP, accumulated over decades. This is a belated reaction you'd think, but it has been the same all along. My mom just let it happen and it seemed like it was, in a very twisted way, her choice. That human is the bane of my mother's life. And I am not sure that she knows it. Tressa that is. I guess it's more that she doesn't give a fuck. I could vent and vent and vent. I REALLY wish I could help my mom more. Heck I need to help me more, but it's my mom's time. But my total income was about $17,000 and that does not go far enough. I was never money oriented and at this point I wish I had given it more attention

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Happy to say when my mom called the bank the yard care people had only cashed one. I texted them telling them that I was concerned that they had not returned my texts, that i wanted pictures, and the remaining things my mom wanted done or done more to her liking. The lady, same one I have been dealing with was fine with me and for me. She said the pictures were on her husband's phone and something happened to it so not sure if I am going to get before pictures. They are going back out Monday to hopefully finish up and I had better get pictures then. She said that they may have to rent a stump grinder to take out the other "large plant" (another bird of paradise) She says they will try not to bu it they have to that wasn't covered in their original estimate. I asked how much it would be. $250. I think the price overall was fair for the work involved, so if it gets the job done I will pay it myself. I don't have $250 just laying around but I will figure it out. I am sorry my mom didn't get a long with them (though I haven't seen work quality yet) because they do a number of other things she is going to need done. But she was feeling pressured, and like the woman was aggressive and argumentativ with her.
Very relieved that the yard care service only cashed 1 of the three checks. I have texted dissatisfaction with the finished job and another request for pictures. I will groom the dog I have coming and then call. My mom still sounds pretty sick.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

I am just dizzy with fear. I called my mom today. She was dissatisfied with the final results of the yard care people because they did not remove a "big plant" that she wanted removed, did not remove miniature rose bushes, that she asked to be removed, did not remove a holly bush that she wanted removed and did not trim the big tree in the in the front yard as much as she wanted it trimmed. She had paid them yesterday. I talked to the woman yesterday and again she told me she would send me pictures of before and after. I have gotten no pictures. I had also texted her Monday night to thank her because my mother was very well pleased with the first day's work. I texted that she still wanted the other things I had mentioned done (they had not trimmed the tree yet) Today my mother told me that thee woman had told her there was a problem cashing the check . My mother wrote anther one. The woman was WAITING at her house when my mother got home from the bank but I nearly had a heart attack when she told me she had written THREE checks. Now, I understand my mom's handwriting is not very legible anymore and she says she got two of the checks back but she had no idea that checks can be cashed and the bank not HAVE them. I told her to call her bank first thing tomorrow morning and see how many $1500 checks have been cashed. In the future, if she even proceeds, estimates will need to be in writing and detailed and I am going to ask her to ise a credit card so she can dispute charges if necessary. If more than one check was cashed I am calling the police immediately.  I cannot believe this. My clue should have been when the woman said they were a Christian company. In fact, I told her not to say any such thing to my mother who has been ripped off by "Christians" shamelessly before. We took the highest estimate because the yard was in bad shape and the other two estimates did not seem high enough to fairly cover the work that needed to be done.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

The yard care people came yesterday and 2 people were there almost all day. My mom said they were nice, polite and cleared a lot of stuff. I have yet to see pictures which they've promised to send, but they aren't done. She said they trimmed, but did not remove a HUGE Bird of Paradise that was planted in a random looking place. She said she planted it there because long ago neighbor children kept messing with one of the sprinklers. I sent a message asking it to be removed along with some other stuff. Today they are supposed to trim a big tree in the front yard and work on the side yard. I am hoping they send pictures. Next project up is the garage doors but first the garage needs to be sufficiently cleared to give access. I need to call her city and see what notification she has to give my brother's widow, who has a bunch of stuff stored there without her permission and without paying before it can be junked. I plan to do that Thursday unless I have time to do it at work today. I am really really glad she is proceeding but I don't know how far she can get. I suggested she take a loan out on the house and get everything done but she says she does not want to go into debt so to me that sounds like she wants to continue living there. I don't think she has enough income to do very much without taking out a loan so this is a big problem because that house needs a LOT of work. I cannot understand her attachment to the place, but i am not her and I have to keep reminding myself of that and that this IS her life and her choice. Anyway, with the front yard cleaned up, the garage appreciably cleared out and new garage doors that's a start. I have never been good with money or anything like it but I wish i had some now. a lot of it. But I don't. I can about pay any difference the yard care people ask if the work exceeds their estimate.

Friday, January 8, 2016

My mom called me back and she allowed me to make the appointment for the yard care people to come Monday or as soon after as they can! I left them a message immediately. Hoping I can get them to send me pictures of the work as they do it so I can tell if they are a good group to ask for other projects. But I am so glad that she is apparently serious about addressing things far too long neglected.
Had a setback today. Last estimate for the garage door. The guy called me first. he wanted me to bring my mom into the showroom. I said. "Well that won't work, she's 80 and I'm in Utah." My impression was a mafia guy who sold garage doors. I couldn't get my mom on the phone because I was getting circuit busy, but she called soon after he was there. It went worse than I expected it to. He told her flat out that he didn't want the job. Partially due, I think, to his curmudgeonly attitude and partially because (there's no way around this) we are currently talking Hoarder Home. I have not been in the garage. I can imagine. The garage door guy said, no, I couldn't. However she knows that it needs to be cleared to install garage doors. But this interaction put her back into a "I need to do this myself" mode and she just can't. She is frail. She used to be a can do kick ass woman who could and did do everything she took it into her mind to do. But those days are over. I again suggested going down to help. I am not capable of that job either but I can direct crews paid to do it. She does not want this. I tried to get her to hire the people for the yard cleanup but now she wants to clean stuff around the yard first. She is estimating a week before she calls them. I am now wondering if she ever will. Thanks Cranky Garage Door Guy.

I tried to give blood today and for the second time in a row was rejected for low hemoglobin. This in spite of a large spinach salad taken with lemon juice. I am feeling bad on several fronts. I am about to go start Lost which has I think 8 seasons. Done for the day.

I am trying very hard to remember my mom's life is her life and to be patient and to let love lead. This is surprisingly difficult

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

I am not sure but I think my mom is going to go with the last yardcare people ,also the most expensive, but they have the plans to do the most work. They also do a lot of other home care jobs and they work with realtors to sell houses. So, perhaps this is good. I will be pleased if she puts them to action and very curious to see the results. She has another garage door estimate tomorrow. I will call her between dogs. I have 2 full grooms and a nail trim plus I think plans to see some neighbors.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

My mom had 2 appointments today. One for a yard care service (they were $100 less than the first company, but I had the impression the first guy would be putting more effort into the job) She has another yard care estimate tomorrow. She had her first garage door estimate today.She has 3 garage doors to replace. I was shocked- she says the guy did not show pictures of what she would be getting but the estimate was for $750 per door and $300 per garage door opener plus an "upgrade" of $450 so $3600. That sounded high to me, but talking to one of our drivers tonight he thought it was on the low side. She has 2 mote estimates to go. She said she didn't want windows in the garage doors. I asked her if she was thinking what she would like as she is living there or if she has an eye toward selling the house. I told her if it was me, i would like natural light coming into the garage. I didn't call the guy today. He didn't get there till I was on my way to work. I know this because he called me- multiple times on my 15 minute drive to work to tell me my mom wasn't answering the phone or the door. she finally did and got the estimate. I'd still like to talk to him but it was busy during what I would think of as his business hours. Tomorrow I work 1-9 and have a dog coming at 8:30 am so I am not sure if there will be time. We shall see.

Monday, January 4, 2016

I've made my mom several yard care appointments and several garage door appointments. She has 2 tomorrow. I paid $29.00 for the garage door people to come give her an estimate. I didn't quibble because my mom is known for not proceeding and i don't want people to waste their time. I need to see if she's serious about all the work that needs to be done and if she is, help her with all I've got. Unfortunately, all I've got does not include money. How I wish it did!