I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.
The first big project is done! I LOVE our new wall! Living for a couple of weeks without any barrier between us and 2 neighbors have assured that I will never take this wall for granted. It was also great to see the dogs get to be in the back yard outside that small, but serviceable area Bruce created for them. We'll leave that up for landscaping. I should call Dan, the landscape guy. Tomorrow Bruce has an appointment with the first roofer prospect.
I'm getting cues that this time in my life may be trying to teach me to be quieter. I'm not sure if that's really the lesson or if I am engaging in a form of cowardice, but I am starting to think that many many many things are less my business than I've taken them to be.
Here are some examples, The other day the next door neighbor approached Bruce in conversation. His entry question was, "So, are you working now?" I don't know if this was a way of establishing status (because our culture determines the value of a person by their work) or if it was a way of wondering about the funding for the projects we are doing on the house or what his actual intention was, but I found it to be a fairly rude question. I thought I might my impression to him when I spoke to him next, but I spoke to him today and decided against it. We talked about the wall, he said he felt badly that he and his wife are not in a position to afford to contribute. I said, in complete honesty, that we wanted it the way we wanted it. I said that I felt badly that they only had a day's notice before the old fence was gone and I think all of us who have not had a fence have been keenly aware of the lack. We taked a little more and somehow I've agreed to try grooming their dog, who is bigger than I generally do. We will see how that goes. Another neighbor, an older guy, also approached Bruce and asked,"Is this your house?" Bruce answered that it was my mother's at which point I could hear Bruce's status fall in the guy's voice. "Oh", he said, "Well, you've decided to fix it up?" I was thinking, "What's your address sir so I can survey your domicile and render an opinion on what it might need to bring it up to snuff" On my Facebook page a dear friend who is a conservative Republican posted an article in response to my own disgust, posted on my own page, in regard to Trump's cutting the finding for Meals on Wheels. Her own post was a fact check that said this was partially true. That program is only about 35% funded by something he COULD cut and he did it. Her commentary was that she was so glad the program would continue to exist. I really really really had to fight to keep quiet when she added that she likes many of his cuts. To me, the Republican stance is to use government benefits as they are available to Republican's own families but to wish to deny any aid to anyone else who may need help. I worried that if I jumped in with my opinions with the passion I feel I might jeopardize my friendship with a person I truly like, even if I cannot fathom her politics at all. I think this Trump fiasco is so laden with dangers to this country it amazes me that it is not baldly apparent to everyone, yet I have friends that support him still. In this instance I merely commented that he had cut what he could of Meals on Wheels funding and that it seems to me that his intention is to impoverish the citizenry to such an extent with his policies that the other funding will be lost because private citizens will be too focused on subsistence survival to afford charities. Here, I wonder if I should have said more. In another instance i happened across a Facebook post by the person I would typify as the most influential person in my life, though I am on the edge of periphery in his. He was "concerned" about the demographic makeup of a graduate program he is in. Apparently he's the only male. He said there were 2 Asian women and the remainder of the class was comprised of white women. He fancies himself all kinds of activist including feminist and I almost choked reading something like: I love white women, I am related to many and I live with one but they do not have the most complete picture of what is going on in the world (this is badly paraphrased , but seemed to be the gist). I went emotionally ballistic. It was very hard for me not to comment on that, which would have been out of the blue. I had to tell myself that that was none of my business and I wonder of I should end the Facebook connection. I know I am never going to get rid of my feeling of connection, but I felt like some kind of spy and that it was inappropriate even in some way to know this opinion much less to have such a strong reaction.
More or less, I feel I am at a stage of life where I should be boldly living my beliefs, but staying out of other people's business. I feel I should be concentrating on the few relationships I have where people have invested care in me and to go deeply into those and into things like learning gardening and learning about chickens and taking time to just enjoy rain in the back yard and books and maybe find time for a little play and art- those kinds of things. I feel like maybe the cycle of life is winding down for me, perhaps a long wind down, maybe not and that I should think about withdrawing from the more blustery storms of life and look for more peaceful pursuits. It will be a topic of my thoughts.
If I survive my mother and Bruce does too, I've told him we might consider moving to the country rather than a suburb. He thinks it's too noisy here and it does seem that the people here think hey should have more say in our lives than I wish to agree with.
Yesterday I finished "The Stranger in the Woods: The Extraordinary Story of the Last True Hermit" about a man who at age 20, climbed into his car after work one day, embarked on a roadtrip from Maine to FL then back up north, abandoned his car at a likely looking spot and then vanished into the woods. For 27 years. He did steal necessities from nearby cabins and parks which eventually resulted in his arrest. I found it to be a very interesting story. I have hermit fantasies, but no survival skills to back the urge up. This guy was incredibly apt at surviving.
One thing I love about my (very abbreviated now) job of grooming dogs at home is that I get to listen to audio books. I have so many good and pleasant clients and get to listen to so man books! Her are some pics of dogs I've done in the last couple of days. As well as a pic of Addie, who I will do today.
This is Addie. I'll do her today. the first time she came, which was her first ever groom she acted like I was Satan incarnate. I was very surprised they left her. I've never had a dog react to me like that! But, that over, she's been a sweetheart ever since!
This is Taffy. You could not ask for a sweeter, cuter little dog! I charge less for her because she is so easy to do. She's a joy!
This is Lily. I love Lily!!!! They just open the car door and she runs to me, She was just a bath yesterday, but I did a little neatening. I see I could have done better on her head. Her "mom
" and I met in Chemistry class. I love Annie. Annie's dad dropped her off and picked her up yesterday. I love him too. He made me laugh when he went straight to the backyard to talk with the workers and Bruce
This is Bella. She is a VERY sweet girl. She came in matted to the skin so she's bald now, but it will grow. The little girl who loves her. I'd guess she's 6 or 7 liked Bruce's prints I have up in the groomery and she picked Bella's bows and bandana
This is Nino. I love Nino. He's a character!
And this is Max. He's one of mine. He's starting to look scruffy again, which is good because I manicured him too much here. Bruce and I call him The Scottish guy. He's hilarious. He's smart and self directed. He likes to kill mice and ruin PJ's toy time. Yesterday he demonstrated that he can get out of the little containment fence Bruce no fence in the backyard. This is very bad. Because he did it right in front of the girls, who could follow. And yesterday, we were told the blocks for our wall are still in the oven!!! I have no idea how long we are going to be fenceless!
I just realized I missed the goal of adding my drop to the inundation of Trump. Wow, Time flies! I never even know what date it is unless I look at my indispensable schedule book. It was lost yesterday. Bruce found it in my bed (where I'd already looked) at about 11pm. People contact me at all hours for appointments. I was terrified the book would not be found and I'd have no idea what I was supposed to be doing for the next two months. I am truly grateful Bruce found it! Today, he presented me with a heart of malachite and pyrite. I love malachite. Now I'm trying to think of a place to put it where I will see it daily and I won't LOSE it!
I took today "off" (I never have any true days off anymore) to take my mom to get her labs done. But I had so many other things to do that I was out and about much of the day and did not realize I had forgotten to set the car clock ahead for Spring. I got her to the Dr's office about 17 minutes before they closed but they declined to test her. So, more on tomorrow's plate. She did look really pretty in her new clothes.
Much was done in the back yard today, the AMAZING St George City people were here and I will post pictures.. We also had 2 wall guys here (the boss comes back tomorrow) We're supposed to have 4 wall guys tomorrow. The wall should be finished they say now, by the end of next week.
I called to commend the St George City guys. They were really truly awesome. The pictures aren't in order. But remember, we just called to see what kind of leeway we needed to give the old pole. They OFFERED to move it. And they we nice, professional, let me take pictures, tightened he Santa Clara power lines so that they aren't resting on the shed, offered to hail off the old pole or leave it ad when I chose to have it left, they cut it up and stacked it as firewood!
Today, the wall guys also hauled away the wood from the old fence.
Not meaning to be depressing, but mortality has been on my mind a lot lately. My mom has serious kidney disease, I am hoping she has some more good years to heal some from what her life had become. I think that's a reasonable hope. I think she wants to live as long as it doesn't mean extensive medical intervention. I'm with her on that. Neither Bruce nor I am in good health and I find myself wondering who among us will go first. I'm hoping for my mom. Not because I want her to die, but because I'm starting to think the purpose of MY life might be to get her out of hers in the best way possible. Not the purpose I would have chosen, but it's looking like it may be that. Bruce coughs like the long term smoker he is. And has heart problems, so he's in the running. And I throw up every night, rather horribly, unless I take kidney damaging pills. Right now I am not taking the pills. Yesterday, Bruce mentioned how much gray is in my hair now and how fast that happened. I practically could feel it happening in the nightmare that was California. But yes, I am feeling old. And while I am so happy that the house is getting needed renovation, and that I hope it will be the very pleasant spot I envision pretty soon, I smile to myself wondering how long we will get to enjoy it. I hope for some time. But I am feeling extremely mortal. And while I am happy to sink money into the house, even if I am NOT around long I would not be happy to see medical expenses suck money away. I figure, for myself (and everyone else here seems to have made the same decision) that we won't be fighting hard, at least financially, to preserve our lives.
I usually am up by 5:30 at the latest to take Toby out and check my mom's blood sugar and bring her some juice and water. (Then I go back to bed. I do not sleep well and try to get as much sleep as I can) This morning I didn't wake up till almost 8 am! I was in the midst of an epic dream concerning the greatest pain in my life. As I've said before, it's not resolveable, but apparently I'm going to work on it all my life. Last night's version was different in that I was my own advocate. Usually in this conflict I am looking for how I was at fault. In this version I was seeing the extraordinary measures I took to preserve the relationship and the honesty I had in confronting what was happening, even though it devastated my worldview and I truly never have recovered. But in this version I was kinder to myself. I was glad.
Today the sliding glass back door was repaired. I am very grateful because it was paubful for me to open and sometimes I couldn't budge it. Now it opens easily.
The power pole is going to be moved sometime within the next 3 days. I would like to watch it, but I doubt I'll be able because I have NO days off. And people are getting kind of pushy about scheduling. It's hard for me to say no, but I need to because I am feeling like death. I'm making dinner for my mom but I haven't eaten anything since breakfast yet I am still throwing up. Not going to chance eating dinner.
Underneath it all I am feeling like whatever happens happens.
We've been starting work on the house. We had the leak in the ceiling caused by improper installation of the HVAC unit fixed (we hope)...it hasn't rained since)
Now the emphasis is on the backyard. This is because we really need to do something about the fencing, My mom and I want a wall, Bruce would be happy with a fence, being as that should last for 30 years and I don't think any of US will. But....a wall has a longer lifespan. Problem is getting someone to build the thing! We thought we had a person lined up, but once the yard was cleared (no small feat, it was a mess) the mason is not returning calls. Here are some pictures of the back yard as it stands now.
I want to be spending a lot more time outside than I am now. My idea for the backyard is to be a sanctuary where all of us will enjoy being. I want a garden, a compost bin, a chicken area (Bruce hates this idea, but I love fresh eggs) several seating areas with a fire space, a water feature, nice lighting and music and maybe misters. really pretty plantings (probably xeriascapes) bird feeders a grassy area, Bruce sees fescue and pine trees He also wants a big shed. He called the city of St George about the power pole in our backyard. That is not owned by Santa Clara, it runs power out the the Shivwits Indian reservation. They were really nice and promptly (!!!) came out to have a look. They are going to replace the pole and move it much nearer the fence (wall) That may take several weeks. But we shouldn't have to worry about it again in our lifetimes.
Here are some ideas. We also wants lots of succulents and some ornamental trees Bruce had the very nice idea of purring up 3 big trellises as a privacy screen. They'd be planted with Trumpet vines which attract hummingbirds. My mom really misses her hummingbirds.A friend suggested Bruce design a mandala out of succulents.