Feeling drained, but it's temporary, from a dream that hurt so much. How can something so old hurt so much? It was very very vivid and when I first woke afterward it was still affecting me a lot but now it is subsiding. But... Ghosts.
Today is David's birthday. I miss him, while I simultaneously want to rake him over the coals for the effects of his parenting style. My mom is driving me crazy. The younger (mentally ill) nephew thinks he has a RIGHT to live in her house. She has a restraining order against him. It's not that I don't feel for his position, but he is violent and, mentally ill and my mom is frail and 80. She won't call the police because she thinks he could spend 6 years in prison for violating the restraining order. I think he should be in a mental hospital but those don't really exist anymore, go given the choice of him being at large and possibly injuring my mother I'd say 6 years in jail might be a better thing. Food and shelter, and she (and who knows who else) would be safer. The other nephew, who lives with her is not taking good care of her. My schedule was clear. I could have gone to CA and helped her in any way I am able to help. She knows she NEEDS help. But she is still resisting. I can't sit here without doing anything, so I've started advertising for my little business and my schedule is starting to fill up. She says she understands my position but "she has to do some things her way and in her time" before she wants me there. I spend a lot of energy debating between pushing the issue or honoring her stated wishes. She said she thinks her sister was lucky to be just taken from her home and moved close to my cousin. OK, that's a clue. My hair is literally turning gray!
But overall I am happier working from home. Very much so! Hope I can make a go of it but my mom is more important and I wish she'd say I could come BEFORE I develop a liveable clientele.