About Me

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I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

I got about 2 hours of sleep last night- I called my mom to wish her Merry Christmas (I am really trying to keep more in touch) and learned, in the hour or so I was on the phone, that she has no hot water. I don't know how long this has been the case. She says she bought a 60 gallon hot water heater and my nephew had it installed but apparently not correctly. She says the pilot light won't stay on. I am wondering how dangerous this is besides the problem of no hot water.
I also learned my youngest nephew is in the hospital, this one apparently not a mental hospital. She has a restraining order against him so I am partly glad he apparently cannot go break into her house. which he does regularly and wondering what is wrong. I was happy to hear he was getting some kind of mental health treatment. I am wondering now if he will be the next family death. My oldest nephew managed to drink himself to death at 28. Asking about what was wrong had to be filtered through my mom. She said something about white blood cells and something like that he could be allergic to people or people could be allergic to him. I feel badly that I have no relationship to the 2 remaining nephews but on the other hand, they are predatory enough that my predominant feeling is relief that this one cannot do anything bad to my mom for now.
Their mother, a person I want nothing to do with for the remainder of forever stopped by my mother's house on Christmas Eve. Apparently as a visit. My mother has a restraining order for her too but it has not been served for lack of an address. She is the bane of my mother's life. Yet, the whole family dynamic is nutsy enough that i can see her at the door, thinking she would somehow be welcome.
My mother asked me if i can find someone to "clean up the front yard" I will certainly look for someone but i think she has an unrealistic idea of what this will entail and what it will cost. It is not a mattter of tidying up or mowing the way I see it.
Mostly I spent the night agonizing about what I should do. Should I try to get power of attorney and force whatt I think is right on her? She would ate that. She's not safe but she is 79 and in poor health and she does not seem to me to bew senile even if she is unrealistic and living with many unnecessary risks. She's going to be 80 in a few days.
I told her I would bring her to Utah, but she doesn't want to come. I told her I would go down and live with her though I hate that house with a loathing that even if it was habitable I don't know how I could stand. But I would stand it. However, just about every terrible reality I ever learned about humans and life I learned in that house. When I was down there to see her last we were sitting on her porch (I won't willingly enter unless she gives me permission to do things to help the situation) and she demonstrated her ability to cause me an astonishing amount of pain seemingly without effort. I was ready to leave when she, out of the blue and for no reason I can think of said something to the effect that she thought my first love was not a serious thing and she went on about it for a little while. It was extremely serious to me and I would think the aftermath of the relationship would have given her a clue that might be so, but from out of nowhere she chooses to bring it up like that as I am leaving.
I do not know what to do. But every new bit of information tells me I should probably do something. Even if neither of us like it much. There is no "safe" but she's in a deathtrap

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