This will be a ramble.
First thing on my mind is how proud I am of Bruce. He has told me he is not going to take the job offered by his ex-boss. I am proud that he really considered me and our pets in making his decision. I am proud that he did not let fear and the carrot of security outweigh what his heart, mind and body told him. There are a LOT of good reasons not to take the job. I was hoping he wouldn't and I told him why. Now, we live on a shoestring and he calculates we have 20 months left, living on the money his mother left him. So he is worried. But, that job would take all of his time and energy and what he has of his health and it's not HIS dream of how he wants to spend his life. I remember my relief when he quit. I am unsure what we will do for money, but I sure hope it is something we like. We don't need anything extravagant. When we were talking about it the last time he asked me, with real interest what I would like to do. I wish I had a more concrete answer. What I like to do is help people and animals. I like to be creative, I like whatever I do to feel meaningful. I would like to incorporate some garage grooming into whatever I do, that is a skill I have (and so far can still use) But I cannot say how relieved I am that Bruce is not taking this job. I am glad that he got to talk with his ex-boss. There were things that were left not right and they both had a chance to correct them. He feels his boss will be mad. I sure hope not! It's very hard work in a difficult environment and it is his Boss's dream, not Bruce's. And Bruce seems much happier now that he has made a decision. He's been much happier since he quit.
I;ve still been plagued with the ghost issue. I don't understand it. I know there is no reason to go over and over and over it, but I do, to the point of exhaustion. What I hate worst is the anger that so often is attached to the thoughts. I have never been a fan of anger and usually I process it as quickly as possible, and it dissipates into life lessons and goes away. Anger can be very very destructive. When I am angry i try my hardest not to inflict it on other people, even those I am angry AT because those life lessons have often taught me that I usually have a good part in the problem and that is what I really need to work on. In this case I don;t inflict anger on anyone else. I am very ashamed and confused to feel it, but it is certainly taking a toll on me. I have no idea how to get past it. The other day, I saw an example of what I feel to be irrational anger (and this being so deep seated and long lasting that is how i classify it) The demonstration was so stupid! Someone accosted me on the Bergdahl release. Now, I barely know anything about this, but when I heard of it I was glad for all parties. That was my natural initial response. I told the person who was expressing so much anger to me that I didn't really know anything about it. I thought that might end the tirade. But no, the person told me Bergdahl was a DESERTER and that FIVE HIGHLY DANGEROUS CRIMINALS were released to secure his release and Obama BROKE THE LAW here and WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS. It was insane and I was very uncomfortable. My mind, having not even heard the "deserter" part before was thinking, if I was in Afghanistan, and saw what this man saw, there is no doubt I would have questioned my presence there and the presence of America's military. I looked at the person talking and wondered if this was a family member of theirs how they might feel. Probably individual conscience might enter the equation then. I still don't know much about this issue. What I am hearin is making me extremely sad and worried about the ease with which my countrymen are stirred to such wrath and hatred. I think if we cannot learn to think critically, to care about other people, our environment and the beings that share this place with us we are doomed and rightly so. I have trouble comprehending the selfish stupidity of my species.
And this brings me to the last little thing on my mind- I am listenin to a book now about a neuroscientist who undertook a study to learn whether our dogs really love us I am entertained by the book, but dayum! If people questions such an obvious thing as the love of our dogs we are even dimmer than I thought. I have never had a dog that left me in ANY doubt of the question. They seem to love better than humans do.