About Me

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I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Feeling like a dishrag. One that needs to be washed. Last night i had FOUR ghost dreams. Can only remember tiny bits. In one, the color pink figured prominently, don't ask me why. Because it was the same shade of pink as the panties on Orange is the New Black (after the prison is turned to a private for profit venture) I am guessing it is somehow related to that. In another there was a painting that looked like a treasure map with 2 paths. The one of family and another that deadends and warns of "Jinny" that's all i can remember. Except the usual feeling of complete exhaustion after ONE ghost dream. I got up a little early after a tangent cloud of thoughts about changing my name. I'm 55 and I was thinking I'd really rather not carry my father's name with me to the grave. I hear it and every now and then I think of how much he hurt me. Some by the molestation but much much more because of how he treated my mom ad my brother and because I had loved him so. But I thought, it would be a real pain in the ass to legally change it too and then I thought and if I WAS going to change it I might as well change my first name too. I was supposed to have been David. In the days before prenatal sex determination that's what my parents had chosen. My femaleness was a surprise and LeAnn came from my father's name (LeRoy) my maternal grandfather's middle name (Clarence Lee) and we can sort of throw my mom's sister (LeEllen, who it seems she never liked) into the mix. Yup, I could be rid of the whole name. What would i choose instead? No idea but I am sure the idea will come back around for more consideration. I had wanted to get up because I had promised to send a broke and ailing friend some flea shampoo for her beloved chihuahua and I wanted it too be shipped today if possible. But the leftover dream stuff made getting up hard. Bruce came in and made me smile and as he left he noted VERY fresh Dude poop in the hall. I knew I should get up but I just couldn't. So, he tried to clean it up. I have scoopers on long poles (we used the in the kennel where i used to work and I liked them) You don't need to be anywhere near the poop. But Bruce, who only this morning had decided to try some of what i assumed would be godawful stuff called The Ultimate Meal- which he mixed with CHOCOLATE MILK and managed to swallow three ounces of before declaring the $30 canister a bust, well Bruce tried to clean up the Dude poop. Now Bruce has about the most sensitive gag reflex you can imagine and when I heard him start gagging in the hall could not help but laugh, it's hilarious, but in pity I told him to just walk away and i would do it. But he didn't. And so the hard swallowed three ounces which he said tasted like a garden, dirt and all. Said it tasted like an uncooked black eyed pea or lentil that you accidentally put in your mouth an bit.... well the retching turned to vomit and NO I was NOT prepared to clean that up and by ten from laughing and lingering in bed i really had to use the bathroom where he had thrown up oo the bathroom on the floor, not being able to make it to the toilet. He armed himself with 409 and paper towels and I, without problem, scooped the Dudie poop, transferred t to a bag and plunked it in the trashcan. Then I ordered the expensive flea shampoo which I hope works as well as the Adams i used to use when I lived in California. That was effective on fleas but when I got it on my hands it made me feel aggressive and it made my dogs drool. A bit later I was able to get to the bathroom and then we watched one episode of Orange is the New Black before i had to get ready for work. I wanted to mail the TWO t-shirts (didn't know what color he might like and couldn't contact him from the cafe i went to with a lady I worked with (she was one of my managers) in Salt Lake. I hadn't seen her in fifteen years and I'd never met her husband before. I had a good time and felt i knew her more from tthat brunch than in all te yearrs we had worked together. So, I mailed Joe's tshirts this morning and then went to work. While there I had facebook up for the skow moments and read soe really terrible news. The friend sho last summer had been diagnosed with cervical cancer and who was told she had beaten it is in the hospital. The cancer has relapsed and metastasized. She's something like 15 years younger than me. She takes care of her paraplegic uncle who I am sure would be dead without her. He ends up in the hospital a lot with sepsis and it's Twila who makes sure things are done right for him. I have a terrible feeling for her prognosis and if she goes i think Jaime won't be far behind because the hospitals just really don't pay attention. Twila's daughter is a CNA and trying to get through nursing school and she has a young daughter. I was thinking I am vitally importantt to one human on this Earth, Bruce and our dogs. Not that i want to die but if thre is a plan wouldn't it seem better that someone like me should die than a young woman crucial to her family. And then I watch people post things like "Love and Light" and i hope they actually do something more useful for her than that lip service.
Later i got to do a recommedation for a friend that I wholeheartedly think deserves a position she is applying for. That was a good part of the day.

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