- I am mundane and magical, Silly and serious. I am an underachiever who suspects that someday in the eternities I may yet blossom and even fruit. I am a collector of spirits and essences, a studier of mood and nuance.I have many many faults and yet I've always been loved. I am a good friend, but I will let you go if you so desire. I believe in Somewhen. I laugh easily and cannot often cry, which I know is a Flaw. Like You, I am a work in progess.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
It's funny. Bruce and I were talking about dreams yesterday and he asked me about erotic dreams and what I dream about. Often I write my dreams. Most of my dreams, that I usually don't detail closely, either because I don't remember them or because what I do remember of them just makes me sad are about one person. I can't seem to resolve the loss I felt and the effect the person has/ had on me and so I end up either awake thinking about it for hours or I dream, but usually can't remember much except an emotional intensity and almost always great sadness. When Bruce asked me about fantasies and erotic dreams I had to laugh rather ruefully. I cannot remember having any. ANY! That's sad. I think I have a reason for this, but I'm not 100% sure of the accuracy of it. I think that one relationship took so much of my confidence and my belief in what I think of as true love -though here are many kinds of true love ( I am just talking about the kind between men and women where it lasts forever, which is I guess my deep soulwish. Don't get me wrong. I believe in it for OTHER people. Just not for myself after that one relationship) I guess I just don't dream erotically after that. Bruce sure does. He has all kinds of adventures and fantasies in his dreams. He's quite free in his. And lots of them are very erotic. I think my basic makeup strongly connects love and commitment with sex and therefore if I do not love, I don't think of sex. I know. it's weird. Especially because I know myself to be a very sexual person. I can't explain better. Anyway, I just wanted to say I actually had a dream last night that I woke up happy after. In it I got to see Miles. He had hair in at least part of it. And what hair! It was thick and black and cut in non concentric circles of varying length on his head in what I would guess were tribal patterns. I was going on a roadtrip with a friend. I think it was Tracy but I am not sure. We were going to some wild spot and who but Miles should pull up next to us in a tan truck! I was very excited and wanted him to come along. My companion did not, but somehow i communicated to him where we were going and, as I knew he would be, he was there. I can't remember the details of the trip, I just remember being happy. And, as a kind of Godjoke, there was a scene of Miles naked in a bathtub which I guess is as close to erotica as I'm gonna get.I LEFT when I saw him in there, but the image does linger. Miss that body. Made me laugh. Probably this is a post I should not have made, but its proximity to a couple of things, including the dream talk with Bruce yesterday made me want to write it.